I like the idea of blogging for many reasons.
To tell a story- whether its worth reading or not.
To talk to someone- regardless how many or few are listening.
To write out your problems- in the vague hope of at least making sense of one of them.
To give an opinion- it may not be what everyone else thinks, but its yours.
To waste time- even when there are more important things that could be done.


For me, all these things are important.

I find that I write alot in my day-to-day life. I love writing lists. Lists of everything. Sometimes I'll start to write a new list in the hope that I'll carry it on- like a 'to do list' but then two weeks later I've started writing something else.
I also love stationery. I have to have particular writing pads to do my projects in. And I honestly feel really weird if I have two projects in one book. I'll either hide the book away so I can't see it or I'll rip everything out from what I have previously done and pretend its new.

I'm trying very hard to keep up with this blog. Sometimes I have very good blog ideas, then my terrible memory gets involved and I forget to even write a synopsis.

I need to carry around a pen and paper with me all the time I think...

It's been a while...

Hello hello hello. It really has been too long. All the things ever have happened. Too much to write on one post for fear that my brain will melt. Even further than it already has. But its both exciting and bloody nerve wracking, good and bad all at the same time. It's a very confusing time. Confusing for poor Mr B as there will be some days when I come home happy and content and fine and some when I'm a quivering mess and teary and I forget to warn him...

Adults forget to mention that becoming an adult is stupidly stressful and not at all easy like they make it out to be! Jobs, rent, bills, moving, relationships and friends, everything is all really really hard work. Being a child is so easy. All we had to worry about is which dinsoaur or princess we wanted to be and wether mum or dad was going to give us beans instead of peas with tea.

There was a post on facebook today about remembering to spend time with those you care about and not put work first, to remeber that today could be your last so don't be silly. It's very true and something I definatly need to work harder on. Not just with other half but with my family too. I don't see them often enough. And I do miss them. As with most families mine can be hard work, especially grandparent wise.
But.
I know I need to try more. I need to stop making work my everything and make my everything else important again. It's going to be hard cause I've tried ridiculously hard at work recently to make lives easier, just not my own. I worked out that I have about a weeks worth of lieu time to take off. Just from this past month and a half. I won't get it all off in one go mind you, there arn't enough staff to cover. But I'll try my hardest.

Due to not having much money come valentines day this year I decided to make Mr B some brownies to munch on as a present. Got to admit they were bloody lovely!! Tried to add popping candy to the mix but they melted out. But they were still amazing, proper gooey middles. I'll add fudge or caramel pieces next time for a bit more goo. Yumm!!

It's that time of year again to start making IOW costumes. But I'm stumped for the first time ever when it comes to ideas and its actually made me really sad. I think some of it is down to the fact that I have put on a bit of weight recently and I'm really not loving myself right now so I have very little self confidence... Another reason is that I'm just too focussed on work!! I've never been so driven in a job. Which is both good and bad. Hopefully I get it together and come up with something amazing like I try to do everytime but we'll see. Worst comes to worst ill wear my penguin onesie for the weekend and be content.

The picture is of a little creation of mine that is just ingenious. It consists of bacon wrapped around sausagemeat and stuffing layered together then baked. It's amazing...... Ommmmmmmm.... I just need to find a way of not making it salty. No matter what bacon I use it ends up a bit too salty for me, and I know it doesn't have to be. Maybe I have to fork out for gooooood bacon from the counter or butcher rather than from the shelves. I'll try that.
It's come from a recipe my dad used for sausagemeat in bacon that I used to love at Christmas. An excuse for a huuuge pig in blanket really!!
I've cooked a few roasts recently and I think I go a little overboard!! I don't know when to stop cause I love roasts and good veg and gravy. I was taught how to make yorksires from scratch too and that was awesome. But I do proper roast potatoes with crispy skins, roast parsnip with sometimes a honey glaze, roast onions, roast carrots, leek and cheese mess, peas, yorkshires, lots of meat, proper gravy, lots of other veg... About three times as much as the mother in law makes!! Need to learn roast portion control..

Should be asleep now, just seen the time. Need to do lots of work from home tomorrow as well as youthie shift. I shouldn't cause like I said I need time for other things but.... I'll start next week??

Night x

Shoe disasters, Painted Nails, Jam Pots and 'THE Bouquet'...

It was always the way of thinking with my family- me and my brother are the youngest from a set of 6 Cousins. And we were always the ones with hopes pinned on us for prospects of Marriage and Great-Grand-Babies. My eldest two cousins (both guys and brothers) had had their fair share of Girlfriends- both long and short term- and both are extremely career focussed. I can't for the life of me tell you what either of them do because I don't really understand what they do. One is the Assistant Director of some very famous firm in London (... famous enough that I don't even remember the name, obviously...) and the other is an Accountant or suchlike for Honda. Lots of the moneys coming in, both had plans for their lives. And both involved getting very expensive cars and then worrying about the rest of their lives later, thank you very much. The next two are brother and sister. One is a Geography teacher and hasn't had a boyfriend in a very long time and doesn't really care, the other is living with his French girlfriend in Paris being a translator for various companies and making a career over there. So everyone seemed a bit too busy to bother with the thought of bells and nappies. So me and my brother (Even though younger than me) were always the ones who had to answer the questions of 'when are the wedding bells then?' more aimed at me, and 'how many children do you want then?' aimed at my brother. Strange way of doing it I know, but welcome to my family.

This was all until just over a year ago. 

I shall explain the cousin system through numbers. Eldest cousins are 1 & 2, middle two are 3&4, and then there is me and my brother.

Cousin 2 and his then partner fell pregnant. Huzah, new baby to cuddle and the pressure is off the rest of us for a while. Sadly they are no longer together for one reason or another but according to my Gran who was initially old fashioned thought that it was still brilliant. 

Then cousin 1 proposed to his beautiful girlfriend whilst on holiday somewhere ridiculously nice and then we have the first wedding of the Grandchildren to attend. My Gran was literally beside herself. Excellent for the rest of us too!

Not being a particular girly-girl and having a mother who is even worse it meant we had to put in ALOT of effort for this wedding. I'm not saying my cousin isn't worth it, I love him to bits but we went above and beyond for this one! I had my hair properly dyed this time (hooray) and cut, I got mums hair cut properly (rather than cut it myself and end up nearly in hospital again for cutting off a limb...) we even got our nails painted! Incidentally, don't get Shellac Nails. Mine peeled off after a week and it RUINED them. It took me forever to find a dress, and I find clothes shopping a nightmare to begin with! Then there were the shoes... oh my, the shoes. I do love shoes, even though I can't wear anything with a heel I love them all the same. But it took us five solid hours to find these shoes. We went up and down town for ages, then when I finally found a pair they had my size but they were all dirty from being on the shop floor so we had to go to the next town half an hour away to see if their sister store had the pair... I was so close to texting my cousin and telling him that if I couldn't get these shoes I was wearing my converse whether he liked it or not...

The wedding was absolutly beautiful though. Truely. It wasn't over the top, it was very chic and vintage, the church was tiny, her dress was perfect, my cousin looked awkward in a suit and we all got royally sloshed. 

Big mistake on my part was catching the bouquet. Crap.

I was a little bit drunk, I was joking around with my only other girl cousin (number 3) about catching it... then it happened. I wasn't even looking properly. 

....

You know when you've done something unexpected or silly, and everyone around you stops breathing? Yeah, it was that. Except they wern't looking at me at this point.

They were staring at my poor poor other half.

And then there was ridiculous cheering, more champagne opened, many hands were shaken and many photographs taken of me and Mr B with the flowers, me and the bride, us and the happy couple...

Shit shit shit, what have I just done.

It was a beautiful bunch of flowers I have to admit. I hope Mr B doesn't think I'm expecting anything soon (although a girl can dream, right??? =P)

The winds of change...

Oh good heavens above. Still waiting on hearing back from this job application. Still hating working at spoons. Still feeling like crap. I had to go back to the doctors and get many nasty anti-biotics and a week off work but i dont feel any better. At all. I really need a holiday. And then we find out that the future parents-in-law are having to decide whether they want to sell the house or not. Which basically means that if they do, its guaranteed that me and Mr B will have to find our own place. Which, right this moment, is impossible. If B gets the job he's promised and I get the job I really want then we will be ok. But until then... guess I had better start looking then!!

Individual Results May Vary...

Ok ok, so I'm REALLY not very good at this. But I have been really busy!! Long story short getting into work again, having to reduce hours on doctors orders due to back injury whilst attending physio (when she's not on holiday...), trying to apply for a new job alongside in Youth Work to no avail.... still waiting on one application for 6 weeks now- apparently they are still deciding?!?!
An that pretty much leaves me at now. Im signed off this week after picking up some nasty chesty/throaty virus at Guilfest last weekend. Which was awesome, by the way. Played three sets on Sunday at two different stages and we got so much good feedback.
We had a mouse in our bedroom. For nearly two weeks. The little sod wouldn't take to the four traps we set up and kept stocking up with food. Which the mouse kept eating without setting off. INFURIATING.
However, not as infuriating as finding out the little bugger had taken up residence in my chest of draws, deciding to sleep in a different draw every night. Taking particular liking to my knicker draw. So upon finding out and thusly catching the furry delight, I had to wash everything I own and disinfect the draws and pretty much the entire bedroom. We ended up having to buy a new bed (FINALLY) and another set of draws for me to hold my life in. Its been a mission...
My thoughts today turn to Christmas. I mostly blame my mother, it was her 50th 2 weeks ago and we had a Christmas party for her with a tree and Christmas cake and tinsel and pretty much everything. Me and Mr B. made cake pops which were amazing.
But yes. Christmas. I've had to come to an agreement with 'the mother in-law' over Christmas, Mr B- although my age- HAS to be at his Aunts for Christmas lunch. No alternative. Not even if he is ill. I've managed to sweet talk her into allowing him to come to my parents for Christmas dinner if I spend Christmas lunch with them- to my surprise she was delighted about, considering i never get invited to anything. I'm sure she doesn't mean it and its assumed that ill turn up if Mr B is but still...
My actual thought process is more leading towards presents. Last year I made lots of presents for a change and I loved it but I felt so rushed.... If I start thinking now then I'll have plenty of time to make.
Mr B had to throw away the box that held all the advent presents I made for him for our first Christmas together- he caught the mouse in it and figured it wasn't good to keep after... He mentioned that because he's had to get rid of this one that maybe I should do it again for him this year... Nice to know my effort was appreciated =]
But now I've got to think up 25 presents and a box to put them in...
Last time I chose different things, so one day would be chocolate (like an advent calendar but a little bag of chocolates instead of one...) one day would be a present and one day would be a little certificate for something... like back massage, trip to the cinema, midnight picnic... things like that- then for christmas day i got us tickets to see Avenue Q. WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO THIS YEAR???

I'm not very good at this...

I keep trying to write a new blog but then get side tracked. Its not good. But for now, I'm focussed.

So, this is what has happened in the past 23 days...

Mr B and I went to the Isle of Wight with Scouts for Easter. It was pretty darn epic, lost of costumes and drinking and activities. I got to spend 5 whole days with Mr B and it was good. We needed it.  

Got 'let off' at work... wasn't impressed.. but in the same day got a job at my local wetherspoons and they want me to be shift leader. sweet.

and I'm on the atkins diet now! yay! day two and im doing pretty well =]

Hello again.

So. A very very busy week! The private night went swimmingly, the open night was brilliant and we made alot more money than ever expected, and the pub is running along 'tickety boo'. Tonight was crazy which was nice, made the evening run a bit quicker. I also get to run the pub quiz on Monday night which I am MOST looking forward to.

Indeed.

I am still trying to get over this damned chest infection, its on its last legs which is good but the hay fever has set in which isn't brilliant. And thusly the back pains have started again from working too hard and also the wonders of being a woman are rearing their ugly head. Today has certainly been hard. But me and Mr.B have been able to spend alot of time together which is lovely. Now that we both work in the pub trade but at different pubs it means that the likely hood of getting the same time off is rare. We had lunch out at our fav. Wagamamas today which we haven't done in a very long while. I know it sounds bloody soppy but I really do love spending time with him. We get on so well and just being able to spend a day with him is nice.

The two friends of mine that have just got engaged have had me thinking. About whether it would be a good idea to ask Mr.B to... well... you know... marry me. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I can even picture our kids... But I don't know if ME asking would change how we were. He's quite traditional I think, I'd hate to take away the privilege of the whole 'engagement' process, especially as his last girlfriend (who he happened to be engaged to) was a bit of a twat and in my opinion totally marred their whole engagement etc. When I found out I was happy for him, don't get me wrong. He has always been a friend and I just wanted him to be happy. But when I found out more about her it angered me so much.
Its not that I'm rushing and just want to be engaged to 'join the club' as it were... I just want to show him that I am committing to him for the rest of my life and want to do it now. I knew I wanted to spend forever with him the first day I met him. He knows this... I have never dreamed about the old 'tall dark and handsome' man, the one that whisks you away into the sunset.... it has always been the cuddly curly haired guy who makes my world complete by just being there. I genuinely would dream about him, even if I was with other guys. Whenever I had a bad day or had a nasty brake-up I would always think of him, and how easy it would be and how he would make everything better.

Sorry, I'll man up a bit now.

Bedtime methinks. Tis late.
Night sugar-plums

Bunny xx